i can't win, look at the trouble I'm in

oh man there's a certain feeling when you care for someone beyond comprehension
beyond feeling, writing, expressing, thinking
just this thing you have inside that
eats away at you and feeds you simultaneously
I just want to pull it loose from it's strings deep down
frame it on the wall to show my friends and family
my proudest accomplishment was love, Mom

but that's the point, it's a very
individual feeling for everyone
it's gonna/gotta stay down there, inside me
until it explodes into a million stars

when i die i hope pieces of my body go into birds and insects and trees
and i can live on in those simple, beautiful ways
instead of the human complications i face
i'm sure the oak trees unserstand life much better than I do
they don't need any history, either
just the blowing of the winds and the taste of the dirt earth

If there is one feeling that I absolutely hate, though
That is being anxious
it's MURDEROUS
and it comes on unannounced and unprovoked
Just this nervous feeling that every second is so precious
that you'll regret the moments you even spent thinking and not living.

I'll never stop asking questions
even if i knew the answers, i wouldn't believe it
there'd just be more and more to the story

like cells, like atoms, like life
you can split and split and split it up
break it down
but it's infinitely small, we can understand the concept of infinitely big
but the idea that something is NEVER nothing, that's the twist


ANYWAY, I went to the Unseen last night with this guy
My favorite fucking music, and they were SO ON THE FUCKING BALL
they played an awesome show
I really like the lead singers style, he inspires me
he's very natural and he's
extrememly explosive in an awkward style
and he can sing & scream which is near to impossible
especially when you do shows & practice like that on a regular basis

I also saw the Foo Fighters the other night
basically the only reason i went was to see my Stephanie, and she loves them
but the show turned out to be pretty fuckin rad
I forgot how amazing David Grohl is
and I got to see him play drums, which brought me back
That man can pick up any instrument and be incredible, I swear
plus he chugged a beer onstage
which is so cool.

I am so happy and anxious right now
Im gonna go relax